Root of All Evil

After listening to Patton Oswald, I've decided to make his point for him, but in truth, I'm wondering how degenerative this can be. RICK ROLLED! Combined with vlog entry and foreshadowing; patton oswald is a funny man. Shit.

These are the Thoughts that will Keep Me Awake Tonight

It’s hard for me to fathom causality sometimes. There are those who say (determinists) that the laws of the universe can lead to only one course of events, which is as plausible a belief as god. But that’s not what I want to talk about. Freewill, that’s what’s on my mind. I don’t understand why, people chose to kill when they have the choice not to. Why do people romanticize war? How can someone become so deranged to blow themselves up? We have the capacity to treat everyone with compassion, but instead we choose this imperfection, glaring as it is. Are we afraid of failure, afraid of trying to make the world a better place? Does the knowledge that we will never reach Utopia, that we will inevitably fall short of our ideals, drive us to nihilistic passions in the absurd hope that something better waits for us on the other side? Maybe we’re just all insane and a little bit of medicine is all we need.

I'm just a monkey sitting here beating my head instead of my sistren and brethren. How can I convince them to do the same, to throw the detonator off the ferry? Such stubborn brutes we all are! We'd rather persist in our delusions than to evolve. With the advances in medicine and the changes in society, might we be turning back evolution?

P.S. 'twas sitting behind the set and a bat flew by.

I Want to Write a Love Letter

I sit here a few days gone by with out writing, a few days of lapsed resolution. While there are valid excuses for most of my current shortcomings, it would be insincere to say that everything has been done to accomplish my goals. There is still more. This imbalance between ambition and industry will be brought to equilibrium.

It is, at times, astounding how resilient people can be to nuance, but equally disturbing is the realization of one’s own close minded attitudes. The struggle for purity is a futile effort – purity, if it ever exists, is an innate trait and can not be achieved by even the most diligent observances. As the lion smashes the gold scaled dragon “Thou Shalt,” “I Will” yields to moderation as the wisest course and thus a child is born. With that child there is power to create. The man I want to be is a child.

In this light Shambhala looks more promising – I could follow the path of the gentle warrior. But I fear practice could amount to nothing more than attending a self help seminar with its own brand of delusions; isn’t anything that isn’t self-destructive a form of self help? Why do those words carry such a despised connotation?

Now it turns out I won’t be going to the zoo to see the animals, Andrew Bird, and Alexandra, which is a shame – I was really looking forward to this. On the subject of music I have this to say: Normally I wouldn’t consider listening to a folk band anyone sent me, let alone my mother. She and I rarely share similar tastes in music and too often “folk” bands are unskilled “jam” bands. That being said, my mom sent me a link to Abigail Washburn and I’m very impressed. When civilization grinds to a halt we’ll be making more music much like she does now. You can check out her music here: http://www.myspace.com/abigailwashburn

Black Top Arga Warga

Long boarding is hella fun – I could dive into it with out hesitation. Unfortunately Bellingham isn’t the sunniest of towns. One Clubhouse Lane drew some blood from me today and my wrist is a bit sore so you’ll have to forgive me for typing slow tonight. Sorry for bleeding all over you stuff Fred! This is going to put my work outs on a pause, but that’s not the end of the world. I’ll still be losing weight, just not getting in shape.

I’ll be doing some volunteer work for Marko soon. I need to hear from his campaign manager, but it sounds like I’ll really be able to help out. Tomorrow I’m going to start looking into his career in depth so I can talk about his accomplishments in the legislature (other than his conservationist voting record that drew me to his campaign).

You’re either dog frendy or dog et (arga warga). Puppies are so cute – a little, excited black lab pup reminded me today that I should bring Riddley Walker over to Fred so he can understand the references I make (most of my title is an homage to Riddley). One of my goals in life is to spread the book to as many people as I can (mostly guys though, generally women can’t understand it on the same level – not because females are somehow inferior to males (it is arguable that it is male inferiority to female provides the energy for this gendered understanding)).

Its disappointing that Andy was too busy to come up today. Fred is working Sunday so the three of us probably won’t be able to kick it together then either. Is this what life is going to be like? Will we just be working and trying to make time for our friends, which will happen less and less frequently as we start families? I hope not.

Strong Beginning

Another great day comes to an end. I did everything I set out to do except drive, but that was made up for by being more outgoing at the barbeque than I have been in a long time. After waking up I had a long chat with Patrick instead of working out – I was too tired from yesterday’s which was more intense than it should have been (Ha! I’m not seventeen anymore!). The driving practice didn’t happen because he took the car and I will never get behind the wheel of his beastly rig. Once he left I sent an email to Marko Liias and cleaned the house before my work out which was shorter than I would have liked, but I was pressed for time.

The barbeque was much better than expected. I still remember most everyone’s names and I got to see some people I haven’t seen in too long, namely Greg, Christina, Liz and Lindsey. I guess there’s not a whole lot to say except it was pretty chill and I miss larger gatherings of people (especially when they’re not socially lubricated). Christina’s garden burgers were pretty tasty; I’m going to need to ask her what brand they are. Also, I’ve seen all of the Blues Brothers now, just not all in one sitting.

Andy is no longer somewhere that is not the face of the Earth! And we're going to kick it tomorrow! I'm so excited!

From Frivolousness You Came

It’s been said that there are no coincidences; all things are meant to happen. The implicit fatalism of that suggestion doesn’t sit well with me, but I fully endorse this aspect of it: our observations which seem to randomly coincide with our life are not out of the ordinary. When we set our minds to task, our analytic powers will draw associations between our experiences – unexpected or unconscious associations often are coined as coincidences. I can see where the fatalist/meaningful sentiment of coincidences come from. While seeking answers or a path and we receive a sign, we don’t realize that sign is really a coincidence. How often do we hear the cliché, “The answer was with you all along?” Our subconscious ability to draw associations which manifest themselves as coincidences must be one of the driving forces of divine inspiration.

How is this relevant to me?

Spring quarter was meant to be my break, a time where I could engage in fun and frivolousness; the summer I planned to work. That’s not what happened. I’ve been home about a month now and aside from some chores, I haven’t worked at all. This complete absence of responsibility has allowed for debauchery, but more than that it has allowed for an epiphany if you will. Free from the hustle and bustle of attending classes and holding a job, I’ve been able to sit on a rock and catch my breath and asses my direction. This breather has made me ready to travel down a trail of growth and maturity. I’m still a boy, but I’m ready to lead myself, immerse myself in things bigger than myself and attempt to make the world a better place for others: I’m ready to start becoming a man. I’ve had the ability to for a long time now – that test was met bending oars, but I’ve lacked the courage and discipline.Not anymore - I've seen the signs.

Tomorrow I will wake up early, exercise, call or email Marko Liias and become more proficient at driving, and finally head to Greenlake for a barbeque. Any free time between those will be spent learning to play guitar (thanks again Fred, but I’m ashamed to say I haven’t touched Freaking Old Man since you lent him to me).

Brandon, Autumn and I delivered our applications for the apartment. The place is sweet – not only is it bigger than we know what to do with it, but the kitchen is incredible; its fully stocked with a refrigerator, oven, stove, and dishwasher, but because of its walkthrough design it also has a bar and saves a ton of space. The bedrooms are also fairly large. Since we’re in a corner on the top floor, we’ll be able to use our porch for smoking purposes…and then we can head down to the pool and go for a swim! It’s a dream come true!

Last but not least, I’m excited to see Andrew Bird at the zoo with Alexandra. I think I’m really going to enjoy it. Andrew Bird’s music is unique and the songs I listened to were pretty jam-y, so hopefully I’ll have even more music to get into. Did I mention it’s at the zoo? I haven’t been there in ages – I can’t wait to see the animals.
I just can’t wait.

Mindful Resolve

Last night I was playing Diablo and awoke to what I was (not) doing. I was distracted from my chosen path - instead of working out or building up a resume, I was playing games. Video games are fun initially, but that fun gives way to an absence of experience. Add that to my addictive personality and I won't have time to invest in volunteer work or music. So I’ve stopped and I’m not going to play Diablo III when it comes out. Jamming and boarding will occupy my time. Fred getting a long board has made me more interested in getting one for myself (I was already intrigued by John Ock's passion and that of the long boarding Rasta kids of 06'-07').

I’m thinking of picking up a history minor so I can be qualified to be a Washington state park ranger. It will only take a few classes and I liked history back in high school. The physical test that rangers have to pass is anything but. jump fifteen inches? please. If I fail in my quest to work for Mike Stoner I’ll try to get a job as a park aid next summer, but its too late to get one for this summer.

Nearly completed is a letter I was writing to Anna, but I’ve neglected to finish it and now most of it is obsolete. I feel rude and should write to her within the next week.

I don't want to make to do/goals list, but I need the motivation. Here it is: start working out again, eat better, cook more, write Anna, contact Marko Liias, read, paint some houses.

More Rewards

Taking my time and being quite thorough with this cleaning has rewarded me with $100. Too bad it’s in one bill, but I don't think UGB will mind.

I’ve been looking up on Vipassana meditation techniques and I've realized I practice mindfulness in my day to day things already.

Miska's Song

While cleaning out my closet in my parent’s house I found this:

They never thought
He’d die alone
He died so young
They didn't know
The pain was crucial
Not too great
But he knew about his fate
He lived his life, very fun
He loved the food; he loved the sun
He never knew, how to spell hit
And he didn't make it

Chorus:
He never lived to see freedom
About six years he saw the sun
He only got, a stomachache
When he ate chocolate cake
The world was his, he thought too much
Of other people who weren't tough
He couldn't wait, till he could see
How un-lonely it would be

They never knew, he was so dead
He got whacked upside the head
The leather bludgeon, it was there
It must've gotten too much air
Peter, leader wanted revenge
On the director had not changed

Chorus

Peter climbed upon a pole
The director he was cold
Peter scared he ran away
But he might be here today
Miska, now he's in a halt
Please tell peter this is not his fault…

…

Oh Science, memories.

You Can Call Me Doug

I just caught the tail end of a committee on TVW. State politics are where it’s at. I need to fill some apps out, but I'm writing here and loading the next episode of heroes. The jury's still out regarding what I'm going to do, but I don't think I'm not looking for a paying job anymore - I'd rather do something like volunteer for Marko Liias. I don't know much of what he stands for (he claims to be a moderate), but looking over the bills he sponsored and his 100% voting record with the league of conservation voters Washington, I shouldn't need to feel too guilty, especially since he's just at the state level.

I'm definitely going to pursue a poli-sci degree along with whichever branch of English I choose. Journalism is still an option, but I haven't taken any journalism classes (not that it matters, precisely one of the English classes I've taken matters). Next Quarter will involve a language 101, Chemistry 101, English 3__, and maybe a poli-sci class. For the language I'm hoping for Chinese, but I could do German again...

With that busy schedule, I hope I'll be able to find some time for weekly sessions at the Bellingham dharma hall. I don't know which school I'm going to practice. What originally attracted me was they offered Vipassana, but Shambhala seems really cool too. Vipassana is a type of meditation so central to an off-shoot of Theravada (the oldest, supposedly more conservative school of Buddhism) that it takes the same name. It’s more accessible to lay people than Theravada. Shambhala incorporates elements of Theravada, Zen, Tibetan Buddhism, and art (including many secular arts). Shambhala also has indie cred (in my eyes at least). I think I'll attend both (and maybe the Soto Zen school too) and see which i like best. Perhaps I'll not be able to chose and practice multiple schools.

I've had a lot more uncharacteristically rage filled outbursts lately. I need to do something meaningful, but more importantly I think I need to get out of here and away from my parents. The problem is this is the perfect place for my studies. I'm looking into writing a bill for proportional representation in the Washington state legislature and hopefully putting it up as an initiative with in the next few years. I should get in contact with the greens (who were endorsed by the Dali Lama).


Edit 1:
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: the environmental director for the Port of Bellingham is named Mike Stoner.

Edit 2:
After reading up on Shambhala, I'm probably not going to chose it. Vipassana was my original favorite anyways.

I Like Ovid's Portrayal of Pythagoras

Food: rice, banana, nectarine, ice cream, bagel (go ahead, make fun of the way I say "bagel"), Gatorade. It would appear I need to eat more veggies. I started working out again. and I filled out an app. for a job canvassing for signatures. Doug is my future and I won't avoid it. Maybe I should see if I can volunteer for Marko.

Still not sure what I want to do major-wise. English for sure, but do I want to go lit. or creative writing? Creative writing would be cool to pair with journalism, but I'm not the confident in my ability to write creatively. I'm an analyst to my core. Then there will also be poli-sci because I get that. Maybe I should take a history class or something?

You now how I said I was straight? Not so goddamn sure anymore. I reeaaally wish I knew like I did in high school up to sometime last year.

I'm not religious, but there are a lot of things I like about Buddhism and Jain. When I was little my mom showed me this catalogue and there were golden statuettes of a Chinese Buddha, some had blue too. I think I may have learned about Buddha before Jesus, but that doesn't make sense because I went to a Christian pre-school. Thinking back, Jesus may be the fourth Religious figure I can remember learning about; David and Moses could have come first. When I first learned about Jesus I thought a lot of the whole thing was bullshit. Actually my older brother might have shown me pictures of the crucifixion from my dad's bible. Come to think of it, I really didn't like Christianity from the start, which doesn't explain why I believed so fervently in elementary school. Jesus Christ Superstar Maybe? Or is it just a cultural thing? Also been contemplating yoga. funsies.

Should start cooking again. Holiday weekend lasted a little longer than I wanted it to. Must get better at life.

Getting into Sonic Youth was a Good Idea

Damn you Fred for encouraging me to blog here when I was in a suggestible state of mind. I'm still a leach on society with no job - which means no sunglasses anytime soon, but who needs more crap (even useful crap, I have a functioning pair for all I'll be using them for anyways).

I had a thought
looking at a rock

Food journal maybe? Macaroni and cheese (bleh), plum, banana, bean salad, Gatorade, water.